To the one who Destroyed me…

Dear You.

I know anyone who knows me and reads this, will know who you are. But for your sake, ill call you Douche. So lets start from the beginning.

The day I met you…

Ill never forget it. I was at a family birthday party. Hanging out with my family. My cousin went to school with you and we were scrolling through Facebook. April 8th 2011 to be exact. Your birthday. Who knew a simple ‘Happy Birthday’ from a stranger on your wall could start off something so unique. But it did. Because you decided to send a simple ‘Hey, thanks for the wish’ and from then on, you pulled me in.  2 weeks later a friend and I walked to meet you. We met in the parking lot of a monument place in our town. You were sweet. We dropped my friend off, we talked for a bit, then you dropped me off. You gave me a hug, so it seemed to all be so sweet.

June 4th 2011…

Ill never forget this date, unfortunately. You asked if id be your girlfriend and of course I said Yes, Actually I said ‘Sure’ and I got a dirty look. I remember you’d leave my house at night but we’d take 45 minutes to say goodbye. I was so in love with you. You had me wrapped around your pinky. You were my first love. But here comes the good part…

August 19th 2011…

The first time you cheated on me. You came to a party I was at after you left work. Flirted with other girls there too. I ignored it. You said you loved me, so If you say it its true right? Wrong. You left the party at midnight. Told me you were hungry and tired. So you left. But little did I know you’d have another girl come to your house that night.

August 20th 2011…

The day I found out you cheated on me. (Because this girl has been around a bit, ill save her name too. Even though I shouldn’t.) She messaged me on Facebook. First, letting me know that she had been spending time with you and the night before you guys hooked up. Secondly, to insult me (real mature) So I fought for you and made myself look dumb. Because she wasn’t lying. I was away on a trip to Rochester when I called you out on it and shockingly you told the truth. I cried for my whole trip. Thanks. When I came back you were there with flowers and you were crying like a bitch. But then, I figured your tears meant something and you were sorry. Ha, If I only knew.

Up Until October 2015…

Well now were at the end. But lets fill you in about the middle a bit, because these 4.5 years mattered the most.. After the first year is when you really started to break me down. By then, I’ve caught you talking to other girls behind my back, or cheating on me. I know, why didn’t i just leave? Well, I don’t give up. Because I loved you. The cheating was constant for all 5 years, wasn’t it? Well the cheating didn’t just destroy my self esteem, it destroyed my trust in love. Because you cheated on me and continued to tell me you loved me, I believed that’s what love was. You first defined ‘love’ for me. And you fucked up the definition.

The cheating wasn’t the worst part though. I think the fighting about it was worse. Well, any fight with you was basically a boxing match. I remember the first time you hit me. Over a VIDEO GAME. I hope you remember this. You died in Call Of Duty and you got so mad, like usual. So I told you to calm down. Oh, I shouldn’t have said that huh? Because when you reached out and slapped me across the face, I realized you were angry. When you said  “It’ll never happen again” You lied. You’ve slapped me, kicked me, and thrown things at me. Remember the New Years you kicked me down the stairs? I do. Everyday was a battle with you. But the last time you gave me a black eye, I realized I was done. I wanted out. I told you I was unhappy and once again, it didn’t phase you.

This is where you really killed me. I could live with the cheating and the abuse. But you didn’t really get to see what happened next. Remember when I was diagnosed with depression and you laughed? You told me I was being a baby. So I sucked it up and dealt with it. Now, I cant  suck it up and deal with it. Remember when my grandma died? April 23rd 2012, Less then a year in the relationship. At her wake you were so mad at me because I wasn’t paying attention to you? Wow. What a guy. You took the day off from work and you thought you were fucking superman. Well you’re not. Sadly, I let you get to me.

But I do want to thank you…

Although you were the worst boyfriend a girl could ask for, I do have to thank you. I thank you for letting me learn what love is NOT. Thank you for putting me through absolute hell for 5 years of my life. The most important years of my life my I add. You took me in at 16 and killed me by 20. I thank you because I know I didn’t deserve to be hurt by you. No hard feelings though. You made me stronger.

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